Monday, January 7, 2013

4 more months

Yesterday I was told that my husband may have to go to Vegas Feb 1st for 4 months for reserve duty..He just got back from a 6 mo deployment to Afghanistan from his regular job and now this..he's been only home 1 month. I felt like I was in a dream and didn't hear correctly and when I woke up this am I thought I dreamt that whole conversation. I was pretty mad and needless to say I probably said a few things I shouldn't. I just needed to vent to whoever wanted to hear..I'm tired of doing the single mom thing..I just did that..How come I have to do it again?, Life isn't fair..and on it went. My poor precious kids even made me dinner since they knew I was stressed and put on christian music in the back ground..made me cry. I love them and my precious husband so much. I guess I've been holding on to tight..forgive me for wanting though a sense of normalacy and for my children to have their dad here in the present..not over a phone or a computer..These were all the things I was feeling and still do but then something happened. I was reminded that my military wives group that I was apart of at my church while he was gone previously is starting a new study called "God Strong" so today I downloaded the book and started reading chapter 1..It started with the Author sharing how her husband is also in the reserves and how she felt like she couldn't go on when she was half way through the deployment and how she felt when she got the news he was being deployed. She also goes on to say she was so focused on doing things in her own strength..no wonder she was tired. She then said she changed her focus to God and let him come in and give her the strength that she needed and it was only by his strength that she got through it. and that God loves you!!! Such an awesome feeling when you get a divine wake up call from the Lord..He was saying "Jenny, Let Go and let me work it out, I've got this, you don't, you can't do it by yourself, Only through me can you do it and you will with my help! So it gets better..at the point a wt was taken off my shoulders..it's always nice to be reminded of things we not necessarily forget but that we just know it's a God wink. So I continue to go about my day and then I am reminded to do my bible study of Christian to the Core for Wed night class and I just happen to be on "Overcoming Obstacles, Finding Strength in Christ". There it is AGAIN! The Holy Spirit actually prompted me at 3 in the am to get up and read Christian to the Core then but I was too tired and I grabbed my ipad instead..should have listened but at least I'm now reading it..It just basically reiterates that the way to overcome obstacles is through Christ who gives us strength and through his word and Prayer! The power of prayer alone is GREAT! So no matter what I know God is in control and I will accept and get through whatever comes my way with Christ who gives me Strength!!

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