Grateful

I had a difficult day yesterday and was thinking negative as I was trying to find the "positive" in my life as there have been multiple things that have been negative lately : I won't list them here but trust me when I say I feel like I have been unusually inindated with negative circumstances happening a lot around me or too me directly. I went to breakfast with one of my dear friends and we were able to vent and also encourage each other through our circumstances and I told her we need to change our way of thinking and "battlefield of the mind" by Joyce Meyer came up in converstation as well as finding things to be grateful for. She long ago bought me a cup that says "grateful" on it right before my dad died and I have it to this day. I tell her it reminds me of things to be grateful for instead of dwelling on my current set of circumstances. As we were leaving we were just browsing the coffee shop and there was a little sign that said "Be grateful" with a heart on it. A God wink. Later that evening I went to bible study and the fist half was about Science in the Bible taught by one of my spiritual mentors. Very good and then his Granddaughters took over the remainder of the class and they said we are going to teach on the power of what we think ...What?? Phillipians 4: 8 teaches us on what we should be thinking about : "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things..". Wow! God is always awesome in his timing!! This morning I realized I didn't do my devotional or bible readying yesterday and I reread yesterdays Jesus calling for today and it was about Gratitude!!! It starts out saying " Let thankfulness temper all your thoughts...WOW!!!!! It quotes scriptures from 1Cor 10:10 and Hebrews 12: 28-29. I then read today's devotion and it was about waiting ..which I have felt like I've been in this waiting season since Nov of last year..it's just an ongoing waiting pattern: The devotion from today starts out as "Waiting on me means directing your attention to me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do." I will admit that waiting can be very very difficult at times : I could list right now a huge list of things I'm waiting for..but it's what we do in the waiting that matters..I know it would be so nice if God answered our prayers right away but I feel if he did that we wouldn't depend on him as much as we do and he wants us to be drawn closer to him and be renewed through the waiting and be strenthened by his strength and not ours. He wants us to Glorify him in deep dependendece on him and be ready to do his will whatever that is and to be in his presence in fullness of his Joy! I know it's hard at times but It's really a change of the mindset and a redirecton of our thoughts to focus on him and to spend time with him during this process. He is always faithful so we should live Grateful!!!

3 blood moons

Today as I was getting ready for church I read a blog entitled "Wake up" and in it it said during Lent Sunday's are not considered in the fast as it's considered a feast day: meaning you can take a break from the fast only on Sunday's and not counted as the 40 days of fasting. Not sure how I never knew that but maybe I did and never took a break from the fast during lent. I gave up social media this year for lent. So I decided to go on Tik Tok briefly just to see if there was anything intresting. This girl randomly shows up on my feed and starts talking about this dream that the Lord had given her concerning end times and Esther and Purim etc. She then posted a screenshot of someone she follows and instantly I briefly saw the number 333..so I rewinded the video and screenshotted it so I can look at it closer and it showed 3 blood moons each occuring on Purim (first one in 2024, second in 2025 and third in 2026) The third one will occur this year on 3-3 of 2026 and will Peak at 333am Pacific Standard Time. WHAT???? This is sooooooooo amazing thinking of the things he shows us especially concerning numbers and HIS TIMING...(read my previous post for more info). Also the next tetrad of blood moons is not scheduled to come till 2033 which is 7 years from now...intresting..Also another side note is Trump gave Iran 10 days to respond which is around the time the eclipse will be happening. Not saying this is the start of the GREAT Tribulation...but it very well could. The lord does give us signs in the sky: Here is scripture to support: Luke 21: 25-26 Joel 2:30-31 Acts 2:19-20 Matthew 24:29-30 Genesis 1:14 Revelation 6: 12-13 I just got done reading about theomatics which is basically the study of numbers and how the relate in scripture based on the Hebrew and Greek lanaguage. I was particuarlly intrested in the number 33 and where that showed up in the different verses in scripture and here are a few that was revealed to me: Their eyes were opened 100x33 Hands upon the eyes 100x 33 and that those who may see may become blind 100x33 Clouds of Heaven 100x 33 Glory of Christ 100x33 If anyone would like to read the book it's called "Theomatics" by Jerry lucas and Del Washburn. Highly recommend.. My friend Larry was the one who let me borrow it as his granddaughter was talking to me a few weeks ago how she sees the number 333 all the time and had no idea that's what God shows me so I was so excited to find another person that God shows that number to and then Mr larry overheard and says ohh well then you would love this book.. I do feel God is always revealing himself by nature (sun,moon,stars,clouds, etc) or though other people and most importantly through his Word. We need to be ready no matter what as he states that NO one knows the day or the hour but I do feel he gives us signs to reveal himself or things that are and that are going to take place..so be READY!!!

Abiding in the waiting

Currently my bible study is doing a bible study on "Abide" which focuses on 1John in the bible. Also in my current season of life I have been in a "waiting" period for certain things to be answered. My daughter Ashley had a kidney infection back in Nov and was still showing some protein in her urine so the Dr wanted to order a Kidney biopsy to see why as a precaution. It was hard waiting for the test results and even waiting while she was undergoing her biopsy. At the same time I got a call that no one ever wants to get that stated my mammogram was "abnormal" and I needed further testing..the first test would be an ultrasound to look at the spot they found. My anxiety started to increase but during this time I felt God was with me and I kept my focus on him even though there were so many "distractions " of life to try to keep my eyes off of him. Around this same time I went to see my cardiologist for my yearly appt and he asked if I had any issues recently and I told him I had an episode of where my heart felt like it flipped in my chest and last a few min. He then ordered a 14 day holter monitor as well as an echocardiogram to check the heart as I had been previously dx in 2016 with a pfo in my heart (hold in between the atria) but was just told to monitor .. I had the echo test with bubble study a few days later and as I was driving home I had a change in my vision which lasted a few min and was told by online sources that this is normal or could happen with those with pfo..i told my cardiologist and he instantly wanted me to start taking eliquist which I know as a nurse is a very strong blood thinner. I was upset going on it as it meant I would have to give up certain supplements and risk of bleeding increases. He also ordered me to have a TEE (where they go down your throat during sedation to get a closer look at heart). This alone is a scary thought as I was fearful of being awake during it and just the thought of having a tube down the throat isn't pleasant to think about. On the day of the ultrasound I was driving and listening to my spotify and had it on random shuffle and a song came on about praising the Lord and I felt great after listening to it and then I went in and checked into my appt and sat down and the same song started playing on the overhead!!! It was like God saying "I'm here, I got you, no need to worry"..I felt confident and at peace and even the ladies in the exam room were astonished when I recieved the news that I would now need a biopsy to make sure this spot is not the C word..They said " you handled those results amazingly well"..I told them " I have a strong faith system"..They were like "Yes, that is very important"...I did feel his peace in a great way but as I'm going through life the worry and the doubt start creeping in and I just want to know asap that I don't have the c word and that I won't have to give up my job as a nurse and I don't have to take such bad drugs to get rid of it etc...the mind just went but I knew that this is from Satan and so I turned to God's word to have it speak life and peace into and his love...It's always amazing what his word does each and every time as it really is living and active..I love the following verses 1. 2Cor 10:5: "We demolish arguements and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thgought to make it obedient to Christ.. 2.Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.. 3. Psalm 23 4: Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" 4. Psalm 91 5: John 16: 33 "In this world you will have trouble but take heart I've overcome the World" 6: Phillipians 4: 6-8 A few days after the ultrasound I had the TEE procedure and everything went smoothly..while I was there I looked up in my room and there was a rainbow on the cieling and then I looked at the tv in front of me in the same room and there was a rainbow reflecting on the Tv!!! See previous blog about rainbows but God likes to show me rainbows to let me know he's here with me. I had to wait for that result as well which showed I do have a small hole that will not need repair at this time as it would cause more harm than good and in meantime will keep me on thinners which I will follow up with cardiology about this upcoming week.

In the waiting we have choices to make..you can let the fear and doubts continue to overtake or you can cling to his garment by reading his word and going to him in prayer, and listening to praise music, and attending christian community (church, bible study).. I felt him beckoning me to open up my surrender book which i've purchased awhile ago from a lady that came and spoke at our church..I felt I was holding on to things I need to let go of such as my "fear of the unknown" being a huge one and "control" being a BIG one..This is still a work in progress and it is a constant surrender DAILY...It's so easy to get overwhelmed and to pick it right back up after you let it go thats why its a continuous process.. The day came for my biopsy and I was driving there yet again this time with my mom in the car and we had "Elevation Worship" playlist on at the time but then it started playing Chris Tomlin "Holy Forever"..(which is not on the playlist by the way)..I just went with it and thought well maybe God is overtaking my radio..which he has done before...we pulled in and checked in to my appt and sat down and what song starts playing on the overhead! Holy Forever by Chris Tomlin!!! I was so excited and knew it was from the Lord showing me yet again that he is with me and all will be ok NO MATTER the outcome..I went in with such peace that really does surpass all understanding and after NO PAIN...they all said again it was amazing how calm I was during the procedure and after.. During this waiting period awaiting important results I was driving over the bridge and God said to entitle the testimony of what I was going through "Abide in the waiting" ..wow. Since I'm currently doing the study Abide and I'm in a waiting seasion..hence the title of this blog. During the waiting periods of life especially the difficult waiting ..I feel like i'm desperate to hear a word from the Lord or just really in tune with what he's trying to tell me through his word or music..the Christian music just really speaks to me more so than ever in the hard seasons of life.. I listen to Destiny worship on Sundays before I go attend my home church and one of the sermons just happened to be on "waiting"..it talked about the bleeding woman who had been bleeding for 12 years but she touched the hem of Jesus's garment and she was healed! The pastor also mentioned John 16:33 (see above) and those 2 bible stories/verses were what God gave me when He had healed my mom in 2009! I really felt he was reminding me of her healing and that he is more than capable of healing me and my daughter and to just trust him..and even if he was going to allow me to walk through sickness he would still be there beside me..either way Jesus has already won when he went to calvary and died on the cross for all of our sins! I found out on thursday at bible study that Ashley's biopsy result on her kidney was perfectly normal!!! She had a follow up yesterday with her nephrologist and they believe the protein was stress induced since she is under a lot of stress at college..I then got an email the next day saying I had test results in my patient portal and logged in and my biopsy is also normal! Sooooo very very thankful! This whole process of waiting has taught me to not take each day for granted and to truly live each day in true gratitude !!! We are not promised tomorrow so we should live each day to the fullest and to keep our eyes on Jesus who will see us through no matter what!! He will never leave us nor forsake us. Life is about waiting..waiting in line, waiting to be served, waiting for test results, waiting to grow older, waiting for the healing, waiting for a loved one to come back to God, waiting to go home from a job, waiting to get a job, waiting to see if you pass a test.. lots and lots of waiting..but it's what we do in the waiting is what matters..how you control your mind and what you allow yourself to focus on is important..I've learned I'm refined/renewed and drawn closer to God through the waiting..and for that I"m truly grateful.

Spiritual warfare

Two weeks ago white count of 31 and nephritis (kidney infection). I then proceeded to drive to Tallahassee to be with her and on the way there a deer decided to jump out in front of my car..at first I continued to drive as I thought it probably didn't do too much damage and my goal was to get to Tallahassee. I then thought I better check the car so I did and it was smoking some in front and the front bumper was hanging off. I then prayed I would have reception as it was out in the middle of nowhere. I was able to get reception which I was very grateful for and was able to call my husband as well as the tow truck which was a nightmare since he was trying to ping my location but due to some limited reception was very difficult. I was able to borrow my Father in laws car and make it safely to Tallahassee (I did end up doing about 10,000) in damage to the car. My daughter continued to get better over the next few days (She was able to get IV antibiotics and white count dropped from 31-28-15-10. While she was in the hospital my Sister in law took me out to dinner and while we were waiting for our food the waitress comes over and asks if she drove a certain car and she said yes and she said she had bad news as someone rear ended her in parking lot. I thought ok well it's probably not that bad but I was wrong. The whole back bumper was off and did about 2500 dollars in damge. I then had to call my Brother in law to come get me to take me back to hospital as the car was not driveable. I then really felt like I was under major spiritual attack as I also found out my Aunt was very sick with sepsis as well with double lung pneumonia and on the ventilator ( she eventually was weaned off and placed on hospice ) and just yesterday went to be with the Lord. It's very sad as my uncle (her husband) just died almost 2 months ago with cancer. I then told Ashley while we were still in the hospital that we needed to go to prayer and rebuke the devil. So we did and that's when things started to improve with her white count (went from 28 to 15!). We were able to be discharged on the 4th day and they switched her to Oral antibiotics and now is completely healed! I then taught at Mary night (a time to come together at Jesus's feet) on spiritual warfare /armor of God (Ephesians 6) on that same week and I originally was going to teach it in June but then we took off for a few months so his timing truly was perfect. Also that Sunday the message was on Ephesisans 6. Well then this morning I felt the Holy Spirit convey to me that I'm too busy and need to slow down to spend time wiht him and I felt a little short of breath on way to church as my other daughter told me today she felt feverish etc..and I'm so tired of all the sickness etc..I felt the anxiety creeping in..and I also told my family I felt we were under attack again..I went to church this morning and Hannah preached on 1 peter 5 about "casting all your anxieties on him because he cares for you... the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour"...WOW!!!!!!!!!! I really felt that message was directed right at me...She then also talked about being busy and how we need to spend more time with God!!! She also mentioned Peter and how he denied Christ 3 times..and this morning I was showing Ryan my son some photos that popped up on my memories when I had gone to Israel in 2017 and the pic was of where Peter denied Christ 3 times!!!! It truly is amazing that all 4 of her sermon points was exactly what happened this morning...God really is amazing!

Hand in cloud

MY mom recently visited Sedona Arizona and stayed at a place called the butterfly house and woke up one morning and saw a rainbow!!! She then went ti this chapel in the mountain and took a pic of the chapel outside and lokked through her pics later and saw a hand in the sky to the right of the chapel!!! Its truly amazing !!! Ill try to post a photo later of it! Internet is being weird.

Eagle

I went to the cabin a few days ago up in SC and it was amazing as always. I always enjoy going to the little white church in the mountain (Rocky Bottom Baptist Church) as I feel there's always a message from God when I go and I really feel the power of the Holy Spirit in that church! Before I went to church the previous week I was watching a testimony from a 14 year old girl that was posted on Tic Tock and she said she had died (car got hit by semi) and she went up to to heaven and God was showing her people on their screens and he wanted her to come back to earth to warn people to not be on their devices so people can hear from him..and that there were too many distractions. So we went to church this past Sunday at the little white church in the mountain and we caught the last 10 min of Sunday School and Jonathen was preaching and stating that we live in a world where there are a lot of distractions and how we can't hear from God because we are too distracted especially by our phones/tablets..WOW!!!!! I was really overcome and wiping tears from my eyes and my son said "Are you sad?" and I said "No, just overcome by the Holy Spirit." God's timing is always perfect. It truly is convicting to get off our devices and really spend time with God. I did bring a tablet to the cabin so Ryan could play games or watch a movie but the charger was broke so It wouldn't charge..then I tried watching tv but it wouldn't work either..(this was before I heard the message). Just goes to show that we can still have fun without the tablet /screens ..we played outside and threw rocks in the stream, enjoyed nature, caught fire flies, worked on a puzzle, played games and went exploring. It was truly amazing.. On Sunday Night we decided to go up to the tallest mountain in SC and it borders NC as well so it's a pretty good overlook..I did ask God to show me a sign of some sort whether it was a rainbow or some other thing he wanted to show me..so we are standing there looking around and there was this big eagle cloud so I took a pic of it and then I looked at how it turned out ..on closer inspection I could see lettering that looked like the word fear above the eagle and then under that looked like Jesus's face, and the the right of that looked like a smiley face and the word sooo good 25. under the rt wing looked like the word "rest" and then up on top left corner of pic the word "Pray". Wow...I'm reminded that we need to Rest and spend time with him , to Pray at all times (pray without ceasing" and to not be distracted by other things that take our attention away from what truly matters which is HIM!!! And to have NO Fear..Perfect love casts out all fear! Also reminded of the verse in Isaiah 40:31 " But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount with with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint". On Monday we went to the this cute health food store in SC and while there this man sits across from us while we were eating and he had an American flag shirt with an Eagle and a cross underneath it! My mom said "I'm going to go talk to him and tell him I like his shirt". So she approached him and told him that and he was so happy and he said "Well, I have a testimony to share with you..a few years ago my kidneys shut down and I woke up 6 days later and God had healed me"...Then mom said "I also have a testimony to share with you"..and she preceded to tell him how God had healed her in 2009 after her hysterecomy (see previous blog post) ..It was soooo amazing how God placed us at the right time to have this encounter..it truly was a God thing and his timing is Always perfect!

Walk to Emmaus

On Thursday this past week I was getting ready in the morning and thinking of taking my friend up to Blue lake that afternoon for her walk to Emmaus..Walk to Emmaus is a spiritual retreat for 4 days and it's a time to grow closer to God ..I haven't been to Emmaus in 7 years since it reminded me of my father as he used to go up and help and was very involved and there were too many memories (good but difficult if you know what I mean)...I was thinking /praying about if God was going to reveal to me a rainbow as he showed one to me on before my walk in 2012 (over my house) and then a little rainbow cloud on my dad's walk (2013)and then a big rainbow over the Gator Cafe before my mom's walk (in 2013). Well when I got to bible study on Thursday Jen had earrings I had gifted her and she said she wanted to wear them since I was sponsoring her and they are rainbow colors!Jen also had a shirt on with a heart on front and on the back talks about how God loves us.. We then started listening the video from the bible study "Luke in the Land"..we were on the last day about the Gospel of Luke in Israel and how she went to different sites which brought me back to the time I was in Israel myself in 2017. It really is a powerful bible study..so she said and for the last site we are going to the "Road to Emmaus"..what??? I was instantly overcome by the Holy Spirit where I felt warm all over and was just crying not out of sadness but how GREAT our God is and the signs he is ALWAYS giving...It's kinda like the 2 on the road to Emmaus where they met Jesus but failed to recognize him but then their eyes were opened!!! We then went to Blue Lake that afternoon completly filled with the Spirit and when I got there a sea of memories came flooding back in a good way..Jen happened to know the check in guy whom was her boss in the AF at one time ...and then I was just standing there and A guy said "Hey i'm so and so and I knew your dad...we worked together at Hurlburt Field and I also was at your wedding...". WOW...Him and his wife were sponsoring a girl that happened to be Jen's roommmate!! I also got to see a girl I haven't seen in foreever..probably about 7 years that was on my walk so many years ago..It truly all was such a blessing!