Abiding in the waiting

Currently my bible study is doing a bible study on "Abide" which focuses on 1John in the bible. Also in my current season of life I have been in a "waiting" period for certain things to be answered. My daughter Ashley had a kidney infection back in Nov and was still showing some protein in her urine so the Dr wanted to order a Kidney biopsy to see why as a precaution. It was hard waiting for the test results and even waiting while she was undergoing her biopsy. At the same time I got a call that no one ever wants to get that stated my mammogram was "abnormal" and I needed further testing..the first test would be an ultrasound to look at the spot they found. My anxiety started to increase but during this time I felt God was with me and I kept my focus on him even though there were so many "distractions " of life to try to keep my eyes off of him. Around this same time I went to see my cardiologist for my yearly appt and he asked if I had any issues recently and I told him I had an episode of where my heart felt like it flipped in my chest and last a few min. He then ordered a 14 day holter monitor as well as an echocardiogram to check the heart as I had been previously dx in 2016 with a pfo in my heart (hold in between the atria) but was just told to monitor .. I had the echo test with bubble study a few days later and as I was driving home I had a change in my vision which lasted a few min and was told by online sources that this is normal or could happen with those with pfo..i told my cardiologist and he instantly wanted me to start taking eliquist which I know as a nurse is a very strong blood thinner. I was upset going on it as it meant I would have to give up certain supplements and risk of bleeding increases. He also ordered me to have a TEE (where they go down your throat during sedation to get a closer look at heart). This alone is a scary thought as I was fearful of being awake during it and just the thought of having a tube down the throat isn't pleasant to think about. On the day of the ultrasound I was driving and listening to my spotify and had it on random shuffle and a song came on about praising the Lord and I felt great after listening to it and then I went in and checked into my appt and sat down and the same song started playing on the overhead!!! It was like God saying "I'm here, I got you, no need to worry"..I felt confident and at peace and even the ladies in the exam room were astonished when I recieved the news that I would now need a biopsy to make sure this spot is not the C word..They said " you handled those results amazingly well"..I told them " I have a strong faith system"..They were like "Yes, that is very important"...I did feel his peace in a great way but as I'm going through life the worry and the doubt start creeping in and I just want to know asap that I don't have the c word and that I won't have to give up my job as a nurse and I don't have to take such bad drugs to get rid of it etc...the mind just went but I knew that this is from Satan and so I turned to God's word to have it speak life and peace into and his love...It's always amazing what his word does each and every time as it really is living and active..I love the following verses 1. 2Cor 10:5: "We demolish arguements and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thgought to make it obedient to Christ.. 2.Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.. 3. Psalm 23 4: Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God" 4. Psalm 91 5: John 16: 33 "In this world you will have trouble but take heart I've overcome the World" 6: Phillipians 4: 6-8 A few days after the ultrasound I had the TEE procedure and everything went smoothly..while I was there I looked up in my room and there was a rainbow on the cieling and then I looked at the tv in front of me in the same room and there was a rainbow reflecting on the Tv!!! See previous blog about rainbows but God likes to show me rainbows to let me know he's here with me. I had to wait for that result as well which showed I do have a small hole that will not need repair at this time as it would cause more harm than good and in meantime will keep me on thinners which I will follow up with cardiology about this upcoming week.

In the waiting we have choices to make..you can let the fear and doubts continue to overtake or you can cling to his garment by reading his word and going to him in prayer, and listening to praise music, and attending christian community (church, bible study).. I felt him beckoning me to open up my surrender book which i've purchased awhile ago from a lady that came and spoke at our church..I felt I was holding on to things I need to let go of such as my "fear of the unknown" being a huge one and "control" being a BIG one..This is still a work in progress and it is a constant surrender DAILY...It's so easy to get overwhelmed and to pick it right back up after you let it go thats why its a continuous process.. The day came for my biopsy and I was driving there yet again this time with my mom in the car and we had "Elevation Worship" playlist on at the time but then it started playing Chris Tomlin "Holy Forever"..(which is not on the playlist by the way)..I just went with it and thought well maybe God is overtaking my radio..which he has done before...we pulled in and checked in to my appt and sat down and what song starts playing on the overhead! Holy Forever by Chris Tomlin!!! I was so excited and knew it was from the Lord showing me yet again that he is with me and all will be ok NO MATTER the outcome..I went in with such peace that really does surpass all understanding and after NO PAIN...they all said again it was amazing how calm I was during the procedure and after.. During this waiting period awaiting important results I was driving over the bridge and God said to entitle the testimony of what I was going through "Abide in the waiting" ..wow. Since I'm currently doing the study Abide and I'm in a waiting seasion..hence the title of this blog. During the waiting periods of life especially the difficult waiting ..I feel like i'm desperate to hear a word from the Lord or just really in tune with what he's trying to tell me through his word or music..the Christian music just really speaks to me more so than ever in the hard seasons of life.. I listen to Destiny worship on Sundays before I go attend my home church and one of the sermons just happened to be on "waiting"..it talked about the bleeding woman who had been bleeding for 12 years but she touched the hem of Jesus's garment and she was healed! The pastor also mentioned John 16:33 (see above) and those 2 bible stories/verses were what God gave me when He had healed my mom in 2009! I really felt he was reminding me of her healing and that he is more than capable of healing me and my daughter and to just trust him..and even if he was going to allow me to walk through sickness he would still be there beside me..either way Jesus has already won when he went to calvary and died on the cross for all of our sins! I found out on thursday at bible study that Ashley's biopsy result on her kidney was perfectly normal!!! She had a follow up yesterday with her nephrologist and they believe the protein was stress induced since she is under a lot of stress at college..I then got an email the next day saying I had test results in my patient portal and logged in and my biopsy is also normal! Sooooo very very thankful! This whole process of waiting has taught me to not take each day for granted and to truly live each day in true gratitude !!! We are not promised tomorrow so we should live each day to the fullest and to keep our eyes on Jesus who will see us through no matter what!! He will never leave us nor forsake us. Life is about waiting..waiting in line, waiting to be served, waiting for test results, waiting to grow older, waiting for the healing, waiting for a loved one to come back to God, waiting to go home from a job, waiting to get a job, waiting to see if you pass a test.. lots and lots of waiting..but it's what we do in the waiting is what matters..how you control your mind and what you allow yourself to focus on is important..I've learned I'm refined/renewed and drawn closer to God through the waiting..and for that I"m truly grateful.